Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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