And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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