Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Randomize
