Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
