he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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