some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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