Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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