The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
You ate ashes out of my bong
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
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