i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
