halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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