Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
just come out here and I will go home with you...
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
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Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
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bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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