went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
