Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Watching her eat just hurts me
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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