We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
