so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
