I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
