I accidentally had phone sex last night
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
