If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
