i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
