Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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