i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Someone shattered a urinal.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
