I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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