Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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