"it" just moved
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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