I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
