My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize