If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
