Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
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I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Is it penis luge time yet?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
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I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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