i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
