I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Randomize
