i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
