id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
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