wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
birth control should be required to get into college
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
