I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
i've created a new STD.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
