im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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