what day is it and did you see me today?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
