You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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