You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
