Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
