checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
