I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
