you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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