More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Panties = found
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