grandma shit on top of the toilet
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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