Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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