How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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