I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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