I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Randomize
