Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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