We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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