At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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