i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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