i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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