whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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