You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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