he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
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she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
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Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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