He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
