Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
