im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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