fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
