Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
