I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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